musings on the japanese life of kate.

Why does it feel, sometimes, that my life only gets to be about one thing? A job, a hobby, a significant other? Why is it so hard to find balance, harmony, or at least some freaking peace inside my head? I am constantly questioning whether or not I am happy, whole, content, "healthy," "normal," etc. Even when I do genuinely feel these things, I am constantly, as I like to say, "living in my head," analyzing all the 'what ifs' and 'buts' and the 'maybes.' I'm so tired of this, but yet I can't for the life of me figure out how to change it. I have moments of clarity in which I realize exactly what I NEED to do, or what I SHOULD do, but in the end I come back to the complete overanalyzing Kate I fear I may always be. Does this blog entry now seem like only an extension of that neurosis?

I have just been struggling to find purpose in my life here in Japan. At first, it was great, exciting, traveling on the 3 day weekends and seeing everything around me change, and sometimes me change with it. Then I slowly started resenting my job, but also at the same time realized my life in Japan, as normalized as it was becoming, was something I wanted to keep doing. And THEN I met someone who, above ALL else, makes me laugh. And he made me smile, and forget all the bad. And THEN I had to decide whether to continue my job for another year--of COURSE I wanted to stay in Japan, give myself some time to figure out my life (HA), figure out my relationship, and make some money doing it. But in my heart I knew, no matter how good the money (it's good but it ain't THAT good), or the fact that it would keep me in the country another year, I couldn't recontract, knowing that no matter how good the good was, I would not.be.happy. So I didn't recontract. But I am trying my hardest to find a job that keeps me here for at least the foreseeable future. But of course trying to find a job with a start date 7 months down the line is about as easy as it sounds (+foreigner card +language barrier +economy). So yeah, thats where my life is at the moment. A HUGE pile of what ifs, maybes, and buts. They have a lot of fun, rolling around in my head all day laughing, cajoling, and teaming up to bring me a huge headache by the end of the day. And, yes, sometimes a one-way ticket home at the end of August sounds like such an easy answer, and sometimes it brings me great relief...but a (much) larger part of me knows (hopes!) that this summer will not be the end of my journey here in Japan. :)

It's the Christmas Season!

Well, it is officially the Christmas season! My christmas tree is UP, even though it's small its still awesome! I've added some white felt I had left over from making something so that it looks like snow, but this picture gives you a general idea :) I actually have a ton of gifts under it, but couldn't include that in the photo bc i can't wrap them bc they have to go through customs on the way home!

Tonight I am going to a fundraiser for a friend at our favorite Indian restaurant - she is going to India over Christmas to build houses! I think it's going to be a lot of fun and I hope she makes tons of $$$ (or yen i guess...:))

Then tomorrow Faye and I are going to the city to do some CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!! As if I haven't done enough already...:-/ but I love it and I think everyone is really going to like their gifts!! I still have a few people to buy for/finish so it will be good! I have to get my secret santa gift, we are having secret santa (at the Indian restaurant lol) on Wednesday! YAY CHRISTMAS!!!

Wow, 2 weeks from today I am flying home!! I can't believe it!!!! It's only for two weeks which I'm sure will fly, I'm still so grateful to be able to see my family over the holidays. And by family I include my friends, because they mean so much to me and I cannot wait to seeeeee them!! I have a packed two weeks planned which I'm sure will be stressful but necessary! I bought my shinanksen (bullet train) ticket to Tokyo the other day, so all set for that!! YAY!!

Last night was my first enkai of the year (work/drinking party). It was at a very beautiful restaurant and overall it was very fun, but the food was all seafood and lets just say I've never seen so many faces on my food in my life! This one fish was...uhhh..it was bad. But I got through it without offending anyone too badly, and even went to the second party which was karaoke with about 5 teachers, myself, and the vice principal. it was my first karaoke experience! it was definitely fun but i was so tired when i got home!! good time overall though, and all my coworkers were very nice to me! :)

I haven't posted on this blog this week because I started doing the "couch to 5k program" which is doing a run/walk sequence 3 times a week, each week working you up to the 9th week which is when you should be able to run a 5k! It's going surprisingly well! I've finished my first week! You can check out my blog for that here : http://maybekateislesslazytoday.blogspot.com :)

Well I need to start getting ready for tonight!

ケイト

a sad day...

Well, today is a very very hard day for me. I found out this morning that my beloved dog, Emma, who has been apart of my family since I was 8 years old, was put to sleep yesterday. I know it was a hard decision for my mom to tell me over the phone, but she did, and even thought I was very upset, I was glad she did. Emma was 14 years old, and had a good long life. My dad and I picked her out from the Humane Society when I was in the 3rd grade, and it was only coincidence her name was Emma, my middle name. I decided her full name was Emma Kate Alber since mine is Kate Emma. I loved her so much, she had so much energy, she loved to play with my brother and I, and she was always there for me, through my parents' divorce, going through high school, college, breakups, falling out with friends, etc. She had been getting slower and slower, and I guess she took a turn for the worse this past week, and after they couldn't help her fight an infection because she couldn't eat, my mom and brother took her to the vet's to be put to sleep Saturday morning, November 28th. One month before my 22nd birthday. It's like losing a family member, which hasn't happened since I was 3 years old. I loved her so much, Christmas just won't be the same without her this year.

RIP Emma
Born Oct 1, 1995
Part of the Alber family Feb 27th, 1996
Died November 28, 2009

A Day of Sports..

Well, today was interesting. I literally wore the pants I wore to bed to work...oops! Haha we had a "sports day" today, so I got to wear scrubby clothes! :) Always a plus! The girls played basketball allllll day, and the boys played soccer. I am still not over the whole "splitting up" of the genders, but alas, I don't think anything I say or do will change any tradition here, no matter how dated it is.

What was great was that I got to hang out with my students a LOT, and even got some girls to join in a dance that I want them to perform for Christmas--a bit of a dance/pantamine of the Home Alone version of "White Christmas." I hope we'll have time to work on it before Christmas, because the kids are so busy all the time we'll probably only have the lunch period to work on it!

In other news, Thanksgiving pretty much snuck up and bit me in the ass! It's next week and I don't have a lesson together! I mean I have some ideas, but for Halloween I started doing the lesson like 2 1/2 weeks before and fine-tuned it by the end...I don't think I'll have that opportunity this time, and to be honest I can't see myself putting in the effort I did on Halloween for Thanksgiving...Halloween was really fun, but Thanksgiving just doesn't have the pizazz that Halloween does--it's CANDY versus falling asleep after eating too much turkey. Not much comparison. I got some great resources online today though, and I think I'm going to prepare a lesson for Friday's classes tomorrow at my visit school. I have two periods Friday that I can do the lesson in, but I've got repeat students in the second class so not sure how I'm going to deal with that! EEK!

I can't wait for FRIDAY! I am meeting Maggie in Okayama and we are going to OSAKA to meet up with Rose and stay at her Aunt's place for a few days! It's a glorious Japanese three day weekend this weekend so we are staying friday-monday. We will be spending a good amount of that time in Kyoto too! :) Very excited and I invited Mayumi to meet up with us in Kyoto so hopefully she'll be able to! I am anxious to get back to Kyoto--it's been 8 1/2 years since I've been!! Crazy!! I'll have to compare photos afterwards. Anyway hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures up...I'm still having issues getting them formatted in the blog, wish it were easier!! :(

Well, happy Wednesday and tomorrow is one day closer to the weekend! :D

ケイト

a.good.day

so, today was possibly my best day in Japan thus far. It was just such a perfect day, combining all the reasons I came to Japan. I was definitely looking forward to it, but was NOT looking forward to waking up early on a Sunday morning.

So I woke up around 8am (ok, I snoozed until almost 8:30), got up, and started making macaroni and cheese, out of the box of course. That may sound like an odd morning ritual, but today was a small BBQ party being held for me at one of my teachers' house up in Joge (one of my visit schools, about an hour north of where I live). So I just received a box from my mom full of boxed pastas (she knows me too well), so I decided I would take something truly American--and what's more American than bright orange, boxed noodles?? So I made that, got ready, and headed off. I got there and two of my students greeted me--3 of my students are Chinese exchange students, 3 come from the same high school in China every year. Anyway, two of them greeted me, followed by my teacher. I came to find out they live with him and his wife, which I didn't realize before. The other girl lives with the Chinese teacher at my school.

Yasuhara's house is awesome, it's the second and third floor of this building his father built 35 years ago--his mother's house is right behind it (and HUGE!). He grew up in that house, so not a far move! First we all got settled, I met his wife and two year old daughter (SO cute--Mayu-chan), gave her the Minnie Mouse bag I brought for her, and then we went for a walk--Yasuhara Sensei, Takeshita Sensei, and the three exchange students. Originally it was going to be too cold for the hike we had planned up the moutain, so we went to the two buddhist temples--even saw a real Japanese monk! I was so surprised since I didn't think they actually lived there anymore! He comes out, gives us a quick bow, and gets in a brand new-looking little car and drives off! I said to my teacher--"they drive!?" He thought that was hilarious. Just not what I expected I guess...

So anyway, it wasn't so cold, so we made the trek up the mountain--and what a trek it was! It was beautiful but semi-brutal--I'll be feeling it tomorrow! It was so fun to talk to the girls and my co-workers--the girls were linked at the arms the whole way, and at one point one of the girls got the courage to link my arm, it was so cute! It was so much fun, and I got to talk to everyone a lot!

When we got back we started eating--first an Autumn soup made right on the table, then potatoe salad/my mac and cheese, then barbeque (plus tons of Japanese tea along the way!). There was yaki soba, then some really famous steak--I guess it's from the same cows as Kobe, Kobe gets their cows from this place near here i guess! Then Takeshita Sensei had brought individual cakes from a bakery in Miyoshi--we all got to choose and they were soooo good! I was soooo full!!

I taught the girls crazy eights, we had a lot of fun playing cards--the teachers even got in towards the end! I learned that they are all coming back in April to go to University in Okayama--they are 19!! I was so surprised, and excited that we could keep in touch even after they leave Joge in February. We made lots of plans throughout the day to have another party soon--I think we'll probably have a Christmas party! I hope so!

I just had such a wonderful time--I got to see the mountains and the leaves changing, temples, really interact with my students, throw around ideas for teaching, and have fun!!! It was such a great day, my only regret is not getting any pictures--I forgot my camera because the batteries have been dead! But Takeshita sensei got some, so I'll have to ask him if I can get some from him! All in all a fabulous day--definitely a day for the "Stay another year" side of the argument! :)

ケイト

Going to try to keep it up...

I'm thinking I'm going to try to post at least one interesting thing that happens at work each day, but I'm sure it won't be EVERY single day, but I'll put that at there as a goal. I don't know how "interesting" it will be but...haha.

Today, we were supposed to watch "White Christmas" in my 3rd grade (like seniors) reading class, because they had read a story about war and Christmas (don't get me started...). Anyway, my teacher assured me he could get it at the rental store, but alas, he couldn't. So he brings in...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yes, the one with Johnny Depp. Because that movie has sooo much to do with Christmas and war, or anything that they've been learning about. So, yes, lets randomly spend two class periods watching this movie--with Japanese subtitles of course. Ugh and what really bugs me the most is that this class is a bunch of ingrateful BRATS...honestly probably my least favorite class, and that's putting it lightly. It just bugs me because they get to be basically rewarded with a movie for having done nothing, when I can think of much worthier students who would actually appreciate it and be excited. Plus we watched it in a freezing cold room--my required face mask was kept on for sheer warmth.

Well, I suppose that's "interesting." Haha. In other news I have been so crazy busy at work, it's so weird. Planning a ton of lessons--a huge one especially for Friday because Kocho and Kyoto Sensei (Principal and Vice Principal) are observing my second grade class with Toyota Sensei...should be interested. I even practiced in an empty classroom today, haha. I really want it to go well, it just makes me nervous because lessons are almost always rough the first time around unless you've got a really great class, and this one is a lot of stuff (giving directions). I just wish students would at least try in most of my classes--they do this thing where they pretend not to understand ANYTHING--I'm talking about being confused at having to write their names (even in Japanese). It almost makes my blood boil. Anywho should get to bed!

ケイト

settling into the routine of things...

so for the most part, life is becoming..well, life, after being here for about 3 1/2 months. wow, can't believe it's been that long! i'm definitely leveling out emotions-wise, but with christmas coming up it has been a little rough--i watch Love Actually last night--what a mistake that was! A movie that starts and finishes with emotional airport reunions was not what I needed when I still have over a month to go! haha but it was still awesome--God I love that movie!

halloween was good fun, went to an awesome jazz/blues/bluegrass bar here in onomichi..i should really get those pictures up. school is really busy right now..it seems like either all my teachers will plan for the week or none of them will, and this week it's a none of them week. Had to get my car into the shop today bc of weird noises/the electricity randomly goes out when i'm driving (fun!), and the awesome guy who sold me the car gave me a loaner---score! no crappy bus to work!! :D was very happy with that!

Already it's nearly a month till I go home for Christmas! Can't wait!! It's going to be so fun to be back with my best friends, maybe the last time, who knows! Glad I am able to make the trip. Plus it will be fun to celebrate my birthday like we always do! It's weird, 22 seems really old yet really young.. this stage of life is just bizarre--i think the best way to describe it is severe growing pains...

The weather here in Japan is really something you can't complain about--today, tomorrow, and thursday it's supposed to rain, but it goes without raining for about 2 weeks at a time usually and it's been in the 70s still for the most part, so reeeally much warmer than back home. Cold weather makes me nostalgic for home anyway so glad it hasn't gotten that cold. I'll be happy/annoyed if it snows though, bc I LOVE SNOW but I live/work/drive in the mountains, so really not going to be fun I think if it does snow. Hopefully won't be too bad.

I'll try to update more often, I need to get some day to day stuff on here! But for now, I'll just end with a quote from my teacher I'm working with tomorrow - "The topic is war and Christmas--any ideas?"

ケイト